Whether it's a friend's anxious dog or a recently adopted pet, as a dog lover, my objective with any canine I meet is for them to see that I’m safe, approachable and worth their time. Whether she’s a low-maintenance dog breed, one of the smallest dog breeds (they look like they’re waiting to be picked up!) or he’s a member of those high-maintenance dog breeds that need lots of brushing and fussing, I want to reassure every pet I meet. But the latest little guy into my life, a rescue chihuahua who was touted as being a great lap dog, was a bit standoffish at first, and aggressive with strangers. (I adopted him during a wildfire outbreak, so, it was a crisis situation, but still.) So I asked an animal behaviorist for tips and learned that factors including voice, body language and eye contact are quite important.
12 Ways to Build Trust with Your Dog, According to a Dog Behaviorist
First, become a canine conversationalist
Meet the Expert
Scott Salant is a co-founder of Paws Crossed Animal Rescue. Scott received his BS at Cornell University in Animal Science. He received certifications from the Animal Behavior Institute, CATEP (Certified Animal Training and Enrichment Professional and CCTBS (Certified Canine Training and Behavior Specialist). He’s the Dog Manager and Lead Behavior Specialist for Trusted Housesitters, the homestay petcare agency.
12 Activities that Build Trust with a Dog
Salant recommends the following ways, which include large and small efforts, to really bond with a dog.
1. Make use of positive reinforcement
By giving treats, admiration, or attention to desired behaviors.
2. Allow them to make minor decisions
“For example, letting them choose from multiple toys or choose which way to walk on a trail. Confident dogs are more receptive to trust, and choice fosters confidence,” Salant says.
3. Include them in conversation during mundane routines
“While preparing dinner or washing clothes, tell your dog a story about your day,” he suggests. “Specifically for nervous dogs, it is comforting to hear your voice in a steady, calm manner.”
4. Don't force them to sit near you
However, you can welcome them to. “Forced intimacy is less significant than allowing them to get closer by themselves,” the dog behaviorist says.
5. As they eat their favorite bone or treat, sit next to them
Just be close—no hovering or petting. It indicates that you pose no harm to the things they cherish.
6. As you train, take breaks
“Allow your dog to reset rather than reciting commands,” Salant says.
7. Arrange a long, relaxed morning
“Spend some time relaxing while they stretch, roll, or meander around half-asleep; don't rush to leash them or feed them right away,” Salant recommends. (Lazy Sunday with my pet? You don’t have to tell me twice.)
8. Follow their lead to achieve their goals
“Sometimes, even if it's not what you had in mind, pay attention to their indications,” he says. “For example, they might keep looking at the door or sniff at a favorite toy.”
9. Stay composed when they make mistakes
“Your response tells them if it's okay to make errors around you if they have an accident or chew a shoe for instance,” the dog behaviorist says.
10. Involve them in private matters
Allow them to join your morning routine as you read, journal or sip coffee.
11. Take them (safely) on errands
A hardware shop excursion or a coffee drive-thru journey stimulates their minds and helps them accept new experiences with you at the center.
12. Make contact without cause
A gentle, loving touch on their shoulders or chest when they're at ease and have no plans—no grooming, no teeth-checking.
How Do You Get a Scared Dog to Trust You?
According to Salant, repetition, calmness and patience are key to getting a dog to trust you. And unlike with humans, a head-on look is not the best approach. “Direct eye contact, particularly in the beginning, might seem frightening to many timid dogs. Try making gentle, subtle glances rather than staring or making eye contact,” Salant says. “It is less scary and more consistent with dog body language if you blink slowly and glance at the ground or slightly to the side. When the time is right, let them make eye contact.” So…flirt with the dog? Not really, but do take it slowly, as in enacting slow motions: “A scared dog may be startled by sudden or erratic motions. If they approach, sit or kneel at their level, move fluidly and refrain from bending over them. Instead of reaching out, let them come to you. If they're not sure, a subtle approach to reduce pressure is to move your body sideways rather than directly at them.” Lastly, the dog behaviorist says that your voice matters, to keep it calm and steady: “Abrupt volume changes or high-pitched exhilaration can be too much.” Think lullabies rather than baby talk, he says, “or even a calm reading aloud might help a dog who is afraid of you get used to you.”
More tips:
- Invite instead of bribing. Treats are fantastic, but don't use them as a forceful lure. It may work better to toss a reward close to them—not at them—and turn your back than to hold it out.
- Keep their world simple and stable. Daily habits, tone, and attitude remain consistent. Safety is comparable to predictability.
How Long Does It Take to Build Trust with Your Dog?
“Depending on your level of patience and consistency, you can typically see small improvements in a matter of days to weeks,” Salant says. Say, a few weeks to months for newly acquired dogs; maybe longer if the dog has experienced trauma or is really shy. The range can be for a well-socialized dog to bond in a couple of days, while a terrified rescue may take months to completely lower their guard. There are a few easy-to-remember numbered rules that might help humans understand a dog’s psychology:
- The 3-3-3 rule is catered to adopted pets. While it's not scientific, it's useful, Salant says, especially since It helps adopters create achievable goals so they don't worry when the dog doesn't immediately appear "happy" or attached right away. The 3-3-3 rule goes as follows:
• Three days to unwind (anticipate anxiety, disorientation, and shutdown behavior)
• Three weeks to begin acclimating (establishing a habit, displaying individuality)
• It takes three months to feel fully linked and at home
• The 90-10 rule alludes to the idea that unofficial training should account for 90 percent of the connection you have with your dog, whereas 10 percent is accounts for your official “training time.” To put it another way, trust and connection are more derived from everyday interactions—how you act during playtime, strolls, feeding time, and rest—than from orders.
• The 7-7-7 rule is a lesser-known concept. “Sort of similar to the 3-3-3 Rule, some use it to describe the stages of puppy development, while others use it to describe rescue decompression stages (7 hours, 7 days, 7 weeks) to look for signs of dog psychological progression, Salant says.
How to Tell if a Dog Trusts You?
“Trust is more than just tail wagging; it's the person your dog confides in when they are uneasy,” Salant says. “When faced with uncertainty such as loud noises, strangers, or strange environments—a trusting dog will seek you out. They may see you as a safe base if they constantly position themselves close to you, not out of habit but rather for comfort.” Keep an eye out for tiny changes in behavior and dog body language, such as a more relaxed composure when you walk in, or a decision to sleep in your space. Lastly, trust is demonstrated by your dog's communication style rather than shutting down. Because they see you as a part of the solution rather than the threat, trusting dogs will pace, whimper or establish eye contact when something is happening. Here are some telltale signs your dog trusts you:
- They're coming to you independently
- The have calm body language in your vicinity
- They lean into and accept gentle touch
- They take treats out of your hand
- The follow you around the house
Summary of How to Build Trust with Your Dog
While I found it frustrating not to have my rescue dog regard me immediately as a superwoman savior for him, I found that giving him his space (in his world, this means holding his toy duck in his mouth in his bed to self-soothe) even when I might like to snuggle made him more willing to accept my belly scratches later on. Taking him along on neighborhood errands seemed to make him feel important to me (and it tired him out, too, which was a bonus for helping dispel his natural anxiety). Finally, he seemed to appreciate story time, which recalls one of my favorite Instagram follows, comedian Madison Sinclair and her own rescue chihuahua. I’m not as funny as she is, but my little furry guy is leaning in to me just the same.
