“I Was Estranged from My Father for Years. I Know What Harry Is Going Through”

Disclaimer: Dana does not know Harry and Charles beyond the varying accounts that have played out publicly over the years about the breakdown of their relationship since Harry’s official exit from royal duty in March 2020. “I watch the rift between Harry and Charles and think, oh boy, this must be so hard to handle when so much of the world is watching this and aware that the two aren’t on good terms,” Dana says. “No wonder Harry wants to live in the U.S., where there’s somewhat less of an emphasis on every coming and going of the royal family.”

That said, the pressure to reunite is growing stronger. “I get it, but I also see Charles aging and understand that parents, even imperfect ones, aren’t around forever. So, I have a half-hearted wish for the two to mend their fences.” (Notably, the last time Harry saw his father in person before this week was in February 2024, mere days after Charles revealed he was being treated for an undisclosed form of cancer to the world.)

One of the toughest parts about a family rift is that both sides believe their perspective to be valid. “As a woman who was estranged from her own father, I understand that both sides of the relationship may just have no clue what the other person needs or is objecting to,” Dana says. “Add to that the inevitable feelings of guilt on the parent’s side for not being able to keep the marriage together or be what the child needs. The result is that no matter how much “work” on forgiveness a child does, they may need to opt for distance to protect themselves from—at best—a tone deaf and—at worst—punishing parent.”

Sure, it’s easy for all of us looking in to just say, ‘Oh, the two of you should just get over it! Family is more important than anything else!’, Dana says that it just doesn’t work like that. “It can be too painful for one side or the other to accept the blame that their family member wants them to accept.”

Additionally, you’ve got inter-generational friction at play. “Past generations—royals, gentry, commoners, what have you—of people were encouraged to just repress their feelings to save face in public and at the family dinner table,” Dana says. “However, contemporary culture—up and down the status ladder—encourages people to live ‘authentic’ lives in which they act and live in ways in which they are not play-acting. Those different approaches can be tough.”

More than anything, Dana is clear that she feels terrible for them both. “I wish that perhaps an annual visit for Harry and Charles could be arranged—maybe a week or 10 days at some baronial Scotch pile of stone—so that they can at least stay in touch for the sake of the grandkids?” At the same time, she is quick to add, “None of us know the whole story about the truth of what’s torn them apart and I want to respect that they are both trying their best.”