Slack, email, text messages, DMs—it doesn’t matter the medium, my millennial self never shies away from the addition of a casual “lol.” No, I’m not laughing out loud, but rather inserting it as more of a personality check. It’s a way to soften the delivery of any given statement, whether I’m messaging my best friend…or my boss.
A quick search of my text messages confirmed: I’d used lol a whopping 19 times in the past couple of weeks alone. For example, to joke with my sister about the length of a recent trip (“long drive lol”). Also, in discussion with a friend about an irritating exchange (“not that I’m disgruntled about that lol”). Heck, I’d even employed it to talk about the state of a recent work assignment (“I’d welcome your edits lol!”).
For the record, Gen Z is over our use of it. “Millennials use ‘lol’ like STOP at the end of a telegram lol,” one X user wrote. It’s true: When I searched my texts, I noticed I wasn’t the only millennial typing lol on repeat. A teacher friend (also a millennial) texted about my 8-year-old: “He’s not supposed to grow up this fast, lol”. I also got this from a pregnant millennial mom friend sharing her current state of being in her first trimester: “extreme fatigue and nausea lol”.
Gen Z Hates the Millennial Lol (But I Stand By It)
No, we’re not actually laughing out loud
But as TikToker Anna Gaddis recently stressed: Our “lol” isn’t a boisterous, exuberant laugh. Dr. Albert Bonfil, who is the director of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles, likened the use of lol to a nervous tic. In a recent interview with The Guardian, he said it can serve as a “digital form of body language,” both softening a statement and conveying friendliness. That tracks.
I’ll admit that after being assigned this story, I was even more conscious of my reliance on “lol.” But as I looked at my use cases, I felt a bit of forgiveness toward myself—and millennials everywhere—for our frequency in typing it.
After all, and FWIW, millennials didn’t always have virtual communication methods at their fingertips. That transition to texting and email happened in real time (I was in college when I opened my first email account). The process of adapting how I expressed myself for digital formats included a ton of education about tone. (Ask me about my first Boston-based internship and the rule book we had about reading—and re-reading—every single piece of digital correspondence.) No wonder millennials go to great lengths to account for the subtext of our text messages, specifically how they land.
As one user said in reply to Gen Z and in the comments section of Gaddis’s TikTok—which has since racked up 6 million views: “These youths better stop telling the generation that shaped internet and texting culture how to be on the internet & text.” (Here, here.)
Still, why do I lean on it so heavily? Is it the conversational equivalent of saying “like” too much or—worse—undermining my own credibility, assertiveness and feelings rather than owning them outright?
I’m going to definitively answer my own question and say…no. For millennials, lol is an effort to keep things lighthearted; to not be a downer; to infuse digital interactions with levity and nuance, the same way we’d do in real life. (The trade-off is that you want to stay cautious about how you employ it in more serious digital communications—i.e. it’s probably best not to use it all that often at work unless you truly mean you’re laughing out loud.)
Will I adjust my frequency of use? Perhaps. But while Gen Z can come after our side parts and skinny jeans, when it comes to lol, I stand affirmed in my use.
