I Love Your Kids, But I Don't Want Them to Pet My Dog

As someone who grew up in a dogless family, I loathed pet breath and Golden Retriever hugs and was absolutely baffled by people—otherwise clean, respectable people—who would let their four-legged beasts on a couch. No surprise here: I was never moved to approach a stranger’s animal as a child. But one million years later, things are different. I am a dog lover with children who cuddles a 13-year-old Pekingese rescue every night…in my bed, on the couch, in the car. I am a dog lover, I am! I would love them here or there, I would love them anywhere. But dog lover-ness aside, I would never approach a dog I didn’t know—and I especially wouldn’t let my kids. And yet, I’ve noticed grown-ups who goad their young kids into approaching my dog all the time, and every time, I’m forced to turn into Ole’ Grumpy McGrumps, shaking my cane at ne’er-do-wells and threatening to call the cops: “NEVER TOUCH A DOG YOU DON’T KNOW, YOU LITTLE RASCALS!”

Yes, dogs are magic. But, just like humans, you never really know how approachable a creature is. When you ask someone to take a photo of you and your friends, do you ask tousled hair tracksuit or sleek bob tailored pantsuit? Which one’s less likely to bite your head off? The same goes for dogs—you never know which pup has boundaries they’d like to maintain.

And I will not let rose-glasses-wearing parentals make me feel crazy. Every year in the U.S., according to the Journal of Pediatrics and CDC, an estimated 4.5 million people are bitten by dogs, and around 885,000 of those require medical attention. In big cities like New York, there are thousands of reported bites—from 2015 to 2021, NYC logged over 22,600 dog bite incidents. Pediatric data shows kids under 6 are especially vulnerable, with many of their wounds targeting the face or head, often needing stitches or reconstructive care. And it’s not just the “big scary” breeds: any dog, even the gentlest fluffball, can snap if startled, restrained or caught off guard—which brings me to my 13-year-old fluffball. 

Oakley. 

She’s 15 pounds, missing too many teeth, completely blind and VERY sleepy. She loves to lounge on the couch, on the bed, on the guest’s jacket that fell off the hook, she loves to lounge here or there. She loves to lounge anywhere! And yet, Oakley doesn’t see herself as being 15 pounds, missing too many teeth, being completely blind and VERY sleepy. No. Oakley is a fierce warrior hailing from whatever island Super Woman and her Amazonian sisters hail. And even though Oakley has that natural urge to target a baby bunny and make a kill, I think—missing teeth and all—the bunny would hop away with nothing but a fright. (This might explain why we have a family of bunnies happily hopping around our front lawn despite sharing it with a blind overseer.)  

But here’s the thing—if a curious toddler wandered up to Oakley while she was sunning under a park bench on a leash, she might react in a way no one sees coming. Because for all her naps and missing teeth, she’s still a dog. And dogs, even the ones dressed in sweaters and Instagram filters, have instincts. That’s what makes me crazy when I see parents wave their kids over to pet a strange dog—leash or no leash, sweater or no sweater. You wouldn’t hand your kid a stranger’s latte to sip; why hand them a stranger’s dog to touch? Am I flattered? Yes. I love that my peers clearly understand that I have the cutest, most approachable-seeming dog in the entire world. But most children—no offense—lack tact. And tact is needed when petting a strange animal. Pull her tail or whack her the wrong way and she might just scare your child off dogs forever! 

…And worse than being sued by someone who decided it was OK for their tyke to pet my blind dog without asking, would be to ruin the magic of dogs for a child because of Oakley—the dog who has brought so much magic into my life. I want kids to grow up loving dogs because it’s an inexplicable connection to nature and ourselves that I want to protect for all kids—even the ones who grew up in dogless homes! Even the ne’er-do-wells who think poking a blind dog is funny. 

So please, parents, grown-ups, caregivers, 12-year-old neighborhood babysitters—always ask to pet any dogs leashed or not. Ask to pet them in the park, ask to pet them in the dark. Ask to pet them here or there—ask to pet them anywhere.