Mom of 3 POV: I’m Ashamed of the Way We Really Live

Over spring break, my husband’s family flew in from overseas—his father, sister and our delightful 4-year-old niece. Our already chaotic household swelled in numbers, and surprisingly, it was easier with more people. I know this makes no sense. But someone once told me that kids are like dogs: they’re better in packs. More chaos, but also more self-contained entertainment. (Granted, this theory falls apart the minute you try to get out the door, run errands or accomplish literally anything with efficiency.)

However, one thing stood out—something I think all parents can relate to. There’s nothing like inviting someone into your home to make you realize just how weird your family is.

Most days, I’m not ashamed of my kids, my husband or the general state of our home. But throw in a guest—especially one who doesn’t live in your brand of madness—and suddenly, everything feels a little...exposed. Like how my kids can’t sit through a full meal. Or how my toddler thinks post-preschool nudity is a lifestyle. These quirks don’t faze me in our everyday bubble. But under the gaze of an outsider, I found myself blushing.

You see, every family has its own oddities and rituals—those things that feel normal until you have to explain them out loud. Like the other night, when a babysitter we hadn’t seen in months came over and I walked her through my daughter’s updated bedtime routine.

“OK so it’s still two books, then she goes potty, and then you just have to lift her up to the railing of her crib so she can jump in once normally but then she’ll probably ask you to do it again and do a ‘tush jump’ where she wants to jump and land on her bottom. You can try to hold her hands when she does this but she probably won’t let you. Then you go through a list of everyone she knows who’s sleeping right now, then it’s ‘Twinkle, Twinkle’ and lights out.”

To anyone else, this sounds insane. But to us, it’s just another Friday night.

So before my in-laws arrived, I tried to whip my circus into shape. I reminded my kids that their cousin Lily has to finish the food on her plate before leaving the table (and, um, it’d be nice if you guys could do that too?). I begged them to please flush the toilet. I nudged them to share. I gently suggested that my son cool it on the knock-knock jokes that always have the same punchline (it’s “poopy” in case you were wondering).

Mostly, I struggled with my feelings of discomfort that my family’s little habits that I tolerate on autopilot might come across as rude, unruly or just strange.

And then... they came. And it was wonderful.

Sure, cousin Lily is more polite (she’s British after all). But she, too, had some little habits that my kids found peculiar, like the fact that she drinks juice at breakfast, which blew their minds. And the adults? Post bedtime, we drank wine and gossiped about the most epic tantrums our kids have ever had. We admitted that we sometimes struggle to discipline them. We exchanged funny anecdotes about the things that humiliate us. All of it part of the weird and wonderful realities of parenting.

That’s the thing about letting people in. When you open the door to your messy, noisy, perfectly imperfect little world, that’s a special kind of love. 

Serious question—how is everyone keeping up with school emails? I only have two of my three kids in school right now, and the sheer volume of messages about field trips, book fairs, spirit days, fundraisers, class projects—you name it—is overwhelming. My solution? The buddy system. I’ve partnered with a mom from each of my kids’ classes, and we constantly text each other reminders: pajama day is Thursday, the bug project is due Monday, don’t forget wet wipes tomorrow. Things still fall through the cracks, but at least we’re not losing our minds alone.