15 Positive Discipline Examples by Age, According to a Clinical Psychologist

If you hear the word discipline and your mind immediately goes to “how will I be punished?” well, join the club. For many millennial parents, discipline and punishment were one and the same growing up. It turns out, though, that punishment and discipline are not synonymous concepts. So what is positive discipline, exactly? Dr. Cook explains: “Positive discipline is a non-punitive approach to guiding children’s behavior. Its core idea is that children behave better when they feel better (i.e., connected, respected and capable) and that misbehavior is best addressed by teaching skills and finding solutions rather than by punishment or permissiveness.” In other words, positive discipline means parents who walk the middle road and find the perfect balance of kind-but-firm.

Easy, right? (Haha.) As with most things parenting, positive discipline can look different for different families and is less straightforward than it sounds when you’re trying to put it into practice. Indeed, “positive discipline isn't a ‘one-size-fits-all-kids-and-situations’ single tactic,” says Dr. Cook, adding that “it’s a mindset that combines warmth and structure, so children learn how to behave, not just what happens when they don’t.”

What Are the Benefits of Positive Discipline?

Per the expert, positive discipline has numerous benefits for children and family systems, which are outlined below.

• Long-term behavior change. Positive discipline teaches children self-control rather than relying on fear of punishment. And research shows that authoritative and encouraging approaches to discipline (i.e., positive discipline) are linked to lower rates of smoking, violence, early sexual activity and substance use.
• Better academic and social outcomes. In schools that implement positive behavior programs, suspensions decrease and academic engagement rises, which means that students spend more time learning in a safer, more supportive environment. Indeed, research published in the European Scientific Journal shows that positive discipline leads to improved student well-being.
• Improved self-esteem and motivation. Positive discipline encourages children through clear expectations combined with emotional support, fostering intrinsic motivation—so children act responsibly because it’s meaningful to them, not just to avoid a penalty.
• Stronger parent-child relationships. When adults address misbehavior with respectful, solution-focused conversations, it builds trust and open communication. These strong connections lay the foundation for long-term influence and cooperation between parents and children. And yes, there is research to confirm this—including the results of a 2023 study, published in the Journal of Pediatric Nursing.
• Improved emotional regulation skills. By helping children label their feelings, use calm-down spaces, and understand logical consequences, it equips them with lifelong tools to manage their emotions—skills that support mental health and well-being well into adulthood.

So you like the sound of positive discipline (and perhaps wish you experienced more of it as a child), but aren’t sure where to begin or how to implement it consistently? Good news: the expert has some actionable, age-appropriate strategies for parents to try. Read on for some helpful positive discipline examples.

Toddlers & Preschoolers (1 to 5 years old)

• Offer limited choices – “Red or blue cup?” lets toddlers exercise autonomy while giving a boundary.
• Redirect with empathy – For example, you might silently move the toilet-paper-unroller (i.e., your tot) to a toy sink and say, “Water play here!”
• Picture-routine charts – Visual schedules show what comes next and reduce power struggles.
• Name and validate feelings – “You’re angry; the blocks fell down.” Then model calm breathing.
• Provide a calm-down jar/quiet space – a cozy corner for worked up kids to calm down or a portable glitter jar that kids can watch until “the sparkles settle like your body.”

Grade-Schoolers (6 to 12 years old)

• Weekly family meetings – Children help set the agenda and brainstorm solutions; everyone takes turns chairing.
• Logical consequences – Bike left in driveway? Pause riding until it’s habitually parked safely.
• Descriptive encouragement – “You kept at that math problem until it clicked!” focuses on effort and progress.
• Responsibility charts kids design – Check-off lists for homework, pet care or morning routine build ownership.
• Positive time-out / calm-down corner – A self-selected space with fidget tools where a child can regroup, not sit in shame.

Teens (13 to 18 years old)

• Joint problem-solving (4-step): Teen shares goal → parent shares goal →parent and teen brainstorm options together → pick one to try.
• Privilege contracts – Co-created phone or curfew-contracts make freedoms conditional on agreed responsibilities.
• Empathic listening sessions – Set aside tech-free time to hear their side first; then, respond with “Tell me more…”
• Collaborative boundary-setting – Negotiate rules (“10 p.m. Wi-Fi off; revisited in three weeks”) so teens see rules as fair.
• Meaningful family contribution – Regular chores or mentoring a younger sibling reinforce belonging and competence.