For parents, the pressure to enforce screentime limits on our kids can feel like a part-time job. As a mom of two—a 7-year-old and a 1-year-old—far too often, I admonish myself about a Saturday morning spent watching back-to-back Blueys. Or a road trip where an iPad is queued up as a survival tactic. The research is clear and I wholeheartedly agree with it: Kids spend too much time on their devices. But there’s another age group struggling to put their phones down: grandparents.
Some recent examples from my own life: My mother-in-law came to visit and was eager to play with my kids. But as my son considered the cards he wanted to put down next in Pokémon, she couldn’t help but turn to Facebook. Before I knew it, my kid was calling out her name on repeat, struggling to bring her attention back. Ditto my own mother (love you mean it) who often loses herself to push notifications, especially the political variety.
Then, there was a recent conversation with a friend visiting Brooklyn from Amsterdam. She and her husband were enjoying a kid-free day in the city, having left their kids with her parents for the day. “My only worry is a lack of screentime limits,” she said to me. “For the kids?” I asked. “No, my parents,” she replied. (In her case, it was an addiction to Sudoku that was the problem.)
Let me clear: This is not about shaming. I’m the first to admit that we parents aren’t great when it comes to tech mindfulness either. But our lack of boundaries—and that of our kids—is rubbed in our faces…constantly. Yes, I lose myself to Instagram scrolling or find myself texting back and forth with pals in the presence of my children, but I’m painfully aware of it and forever trying to improve my daily habits. I’m not sure grandparents are quite as cognizant of just how distracted they are.
Which leads me to my question—is there a (gentle) way to raise the issue? I reached out to Gigi Schweikert, a parenting and education expert and the CEO of Lightbridge Academy, to get her take on how to constructively talk to grandparents about too much technology use. It’s a delicate balance, she confirms, but there are a couple of strategies that can help combat defensiveness and yield more screen-free moments together.
1. Model Good Behavior
“First and foremost, you want to lead by example by putting your phone away or creating tech-free zones,” Schweikert suggests. “When grandparents see that screen wellness is a family-wide practice rather than just a ‘rule for kids,’ they’re more likely to embrace it,” the expert adds.
2. Invite Screen-Free Connection
“You can also engage grandparents actively with simple roles like reading a story or helping with a game, then using subtle cues such as, ‘Grandma, look! He’s showing you a drawing!’ instead of repeated prompts.” Over time, these repeated moments of connection can help grandparents stay present and really enjoy their grandkids without feeling nagged, she explains.
3. Have the Talk
If an inability to set down screens continues, Schweikert says it does warrant a conversation, but with a balance of respect and practicality. “The goal isn’t to set rigid ‘rules’ for grandparents, but rather to invite them into the same screen-free moments you want for your child, such as during meals, story time or play.” She suggests framing a conversation around the joy your child gets from their undivided attention vs. focusing on their phone use itself. In other words, you don’t want to rudely call them out, but rather celebrate the happiness that comes from tiny, screen-free interactions.
One Last Thing...
It is worth noting that, just as it’s the case for kids and parents, there are some technology benefits for grandparents, too. “Daily puzzles, online games and social connections can support their cognitive and emotional health as they age,” Schweikert shares. But balance is just as important for them as it is for kids. “Encourage grandparents to lean into screen-free rituals when they’re with your child as often as possible so those moments feel truly connected.”
Because at the end of the day, what kids want most isn’t the latest app or puzzle—it’s their grandparents’ undivided attention.
