3 Body Language Red Flags to Look Out for in Your First 10 Years of Marriage

"Yup, they used to Netflix-and-chill, and now there’s a chilly distance between them," jokes Walsh. "Couples who are experiencing emotional withdrawal tend to focus on the movie instead of the dopamine rush they used to get by cuddling."

But Dr. Walsh understands that for some couples—either because of attachment style or culture—may just be less affectionate. Others may be neurodivergent and find touch uncomfortable. Others may really just like the movie. That said, couples should still find ways to maintain close emotional intimacy.

Physically turning one’s body away from their spouse when their partner makes a bid for care, Dr. Walsh shares, is a big red flag. She gives this example: One partner might say something like, “We should have a date night, and their partner suddenly gets an itchy back and turns away to scratch it.”

There are other mini red flags that can be filed in this same folder: "I think a big one is the reduction in eye contact and engaging facial expressions when one partner is talking. If one partner seems distracted and only halfway listening this is a sign that they may be checking out." Of course, Dr. Walsh clarifies, if you zone out a few times throughout your first ten years of marriage, you're OK—life happens! But be aware of it as a red flag, and clock the frequency.

Per Dr. John Gottman at the marriage lab at the University of Washington, this is a tell-tale sign that a relationship is on the rocks. Dr. Walsh has seen it first-hand: "As a personal anecdote, I recently saw a wife introduce her husband, and when she said his name, the corners of her mouth literally turned down into an upside down smile." If uttering your spouse's name makes you grimace, that's a big ol' red flag that probably requires some deep work with a couples' therapist. In the meantime, if you're itching to get back to the way things were, practice saying your spouse's name ten times while smiling.

So, What Now?

Get your dopamine fix! Says Walsh: "There’s actually a chemical reaction that happens with skin-to-skin contact, and it can be a rush of feel-good neurohormones that help a couple maintain a bond." Start small by playing footsy on the couch and work your way back up to full-blown spooning like you're 23 again. Seriously, these are doctors' orders! Dr. Walsh's prescription: "hold hands, touch toes under the table, and wrap your legs around each other when you sleep."

For typical couples, Dr. Walsh concludes, research has shown the physical touch is highly correlated with relationship satisfaction. This is science! So if you're in the business of saving your marriage? Go on, get handsy. (With consent, of course.)