How Long Does the Honeymoon Phase Last? A Psychiatrist Weighs In

Some of the best movies, songs and novels are odes to falling in love, and it’s no wonder why. Falling in love is pure romance, unadulterated passion and sheer joy. And that’s great, but we’d be remiss not to talk about gravity, because people who are falling will, er, eventually hit the ground—and you’ll know it when you do, because it means the honeymoon period has come to an end.

So how long does the honeymoon phase last, and what can you expect next? Read on for the full scoop from a psychiatrist, including some sound advice that might serve as a parachute of sorts to ensure your smooth landing.

Dr. Nona Kocher, MPH, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist, dually licensed in Florida and New York, and founder of Quintessence Psychiatry. Dr. Kocher provides a high level of care to teens and adults and believes in a holistic and nonjudgmental approach to mental health care that includes compassionate listening, as well as medication management, as needed.

If you just met a new love and are feeling all twitterpated, chances are you’re enjoying the romance and bliss of the honeymoon phase. What does that look like, exactly? “The honeymoon phase is the first stretch of a relationship when everything feels charged with energy and warmth,” says Dr. Kocher, adding that “partners often can't get enough of each other, and time together feels effortless and exciting.” Indeed, it’s unlikely that you will have many conflicts with your SO during this time, since flaws and disagreements tend to be overshadowed by the intense passion and attraction that characterizes a fresh relationship. “Chemistry in the brain plays a role, with dopamine and oxytocin fueling the rush of affection,” explains Dr. Kocher. Alas, that hormone rush won’t last forever: “Eventually, the intensity softens.”

“How long it lasts often comes down to how quickly real life takes over the excitement of new love.”

— Dr. Kocher

Honestly, only time will tell. Per the expert, “the honeymoon period usually lasts anywhere from 6 months to two years, though the exact timeline can vary. For some couples, it can feel much shorter, sometimes only lasting a couple of months; the intensity tends to fade faster when daily stress, routines or conflicts show up early.” In other words, “how long it lasts often comes down to how quickly real life takes over the excitement of new love.” It’s also worth noting that the honeymoon phase doesn’t necessarily end abruptly, so you likely won’t be able to pinpoint the moment it expired; it’s more of a gradual (and very natural) shift.

Transitioning out of the honeymoon phase might feel like a bit of a bummer. After all, who wouldn’t prefer sweeping romance to squabbles over who should wash the dishes? When the honeymoon phase ends, it can feel like something has been lost, something you want to grieve for. Still, it’s important to remember that the honeymoon phase is just the start of a relationship and its end is not the death of one. Enduring love adapts, evolves and grows…hopefully with grace. For that reason, I asked Dr. Kocher for some advice as to how couples can smoothly transition into a new phase of their relationship and settle peacefully into a new kind of love. Here’s what she recommends:

1. Check-in with each other regularly.

Set aside 20 to 30 minutes to talk about what is going well, what feels off and any feelings you may have. Try to use a gentle approach by saying something like, "One thing I appreciated…" or "One thing I struggled with…" as this keeps the tone soft and non-confrontational. Ultimately, the goal of these daily check-ins is to maintain connection with each other and prevent tiny frustrations from piling up.

2. Protect separate identities.

When you feel the honeymoon period slipping away, your instinct might be to tighten your grip—but the expert recommends that you, well, go with grace. “Keep friendships, hobbies and personal goals alive so the relationship doesn't carry every emotional need,” Dr. Kocher advises, adding that “this autonomy will give you energy to bring back to the partnership and will prevent the ‘all or nothing’ trap” (i.e., the trap that quite often leads to break-ups). As such, it’s wise to block time for individual pursuits, whilst cheering each other on and sharing highlights so you can stay connected without crowding each other.

3. Learn each other's stress signals.

You know the honeymoon phase is over when stress starts to rear its ugly head again and flaws you never noticed when you were in la-la land are starting to get under your skin. The good news is that your partner is dealing with the same thing so you can find opportunities for meaningful connection here. For this reason, Dr. Kocher recommends that you “notice what withdrawal, irritation or silence looks like for your partner, and talk about how you'd each like support in those moments. It prevents misinterpretation and gives you both a plan for handling tension.” Best of all, responding in the way your partner actually needs lowers defensiveness and builds trust—and trust, not infatuation, is the foundation of a lasting relationship.