The Rarest Personality Type, Explained

Much as I hate it, I have the feels. I’m super in-tune with people’s emotions; I can read a room like I’m about to write a Ph.D. dissertation. This, as it turns out, is right in line with one of the INFJ’s core strengths. As Alderson explains, “INFJs are naturally tuned into people’s emotions, unspoken social dynamics and underlying motivations, which allows them to understand people on a deeper level.”

Despite being a fount of feelings, we are incredibly resilient. “They are some of the most quietly strong people out there and you can count on them to fight for causes they believe in,” Alderson continues. “While they don’t typically rock the boat in day-to-day life, if they believe in something, you can be sure they will stand up for it.”

My favorite part about being an INFJ is the superpower that allows me to combine big-picture ideas, empathy and strategic thinking. In short: It’s not all fun and fluff. We get stuff done.

As an introvert, I am not an external processor. I like to sit with my thoughts before I speak, and sometimes that “sitting” extends to days, weeks, months…I’ve even taken years to turn over an idea. This is tough because, Alderson notes, Western culture values—and rewards—visibility, speed and material success over depth, reflection and emotional intelligence.

And while being an empath is a good thing, it can also trip us up. INFJs easily absorb others’ emotions, Alderson says, and that leads to feeling drained and overwhelmed. Above all, I’ve found that the biggest Achilles heel for me (and other INFJs, per Williams) is conflict avoidance.

“They will avoid arguments and may say nothing if they feel it might hurt someone,” Williams says. “They find it difficult to receive feedback that's overly critical or blunt, and may take it personally.”

All the INFJs I know are a catch—and Alderson agrees. “INFJs are deep, thoughtful and attentive partners. They’re an interesting mix because they’re highly emotionally attuned yet deeply independent,” she says.

While I’d try to matchmake all the INFJs I know, it’s important to understand that we can take some time to warm up. Once people get to know us, though, they’ll see we’re completely serious and invested.

As for an INFJ-INFJ romantic pairing? Alderson says that in this case, they’re better off just friends. While it’s amazing to have (finally) found someone on the same wavelength, I can attest that anything more than friends is a little too intense—and we’ll never get out of our comfort zones. 

When it comes to work, I’ve always said my biggest strengths are big-picture ideas and community building. And according to Williams, I’ve hit the INFJ’s key work traits right on the nose.

“INFJs are good at seeing the big picture and coming up with new ideas. They plan well and like to solve problems,” she elaborates. “Because they are sensitive to others, they make a nice team member and inspire colleagues.”

Because of the INFJ’s penchant for conflict avoidance, they are helpful in resolving others’ disputes but lack initiative in addressing their own. Harsh, unfair criticism, office politics and meaningless tasks will sink morale.

When Williams rattled off the INFJ’s pet peeves, I thought, Yep, that’s me to a T. If you want to get along with an INFJ, you’ll skip the small talk. For us, the real currency is a deep, meaningful connection. So it goes without saying that we hate fake, dramatic behavior and rude, patronizing attitudes. Remember, we’re all about relationships and we’re empathetic to a fault, so things like that drive us nuts. And I wouldn’t be an INFJ if I didn’t mention the most dreaded thing of all: Don’t make any last-minute changes.