Loneliness Is a New Status Symbol

Social media today is like the opera in a Jane Austen novel. You go to see and be seen. The clout of posting on social media is always about being surrounded by the right people and/or things—a marker to the world that you are thriving. But lately, there’s a new status signal, and it doesn’t ask you to be surrounded by 30 people while sipping a $16 frozen margarita you actually never wanted in the first place. Introverts can rejoice, because it appears that loneliness is the new status symbol.

Hop online and there’s no shortage of girls (they’re pretty much always girls) making videos about their quiet nights in. The caption usually goes something like this: “POV: You live alone in NYC and have no friends so this is [how you spend your time].”

Wallflowers have long been pitied; loners have often been painted as social pariahs with whom no one wishes to associate. But now, having no friends is…cool? And what’s more, the creators touting the fact that they’re friendless are doing it with pride. Paulina Cee, one of the more popular creators in the space, makes it feel glamorous as you watch her walk into her spotless apartment, kick off her Louboutins and do yoga on her infrared light mat. Sure, she could have friends if she wanted to. Being alone is a choice. It doesn’t hurt that she, along with many other creators I’ve observed, conform to beauty standards and have great closets. The message is clear. They’re not powerless losers with no friends. They’re almost too cool for you.

All this seems to be the antithesis of both social media and being alive. Humans are always looking for belonging. But in the age of AI and chronically online generations, it almost feels like a relief to be alone. Seeing it played out on the internet as something cool and coveted is comforting. It’s a reframing of the idea of solitude that’s both attainable and reassuring. Not everyone will spend their lives (or even a fraction of them) at parties and being with the cool crowd. But a Friday night alone? Anyone can achieve that.

“Loneliness is something almost everyone has experienced at some point. Seeing someone openly talk about it can feel validating and comforting,” says neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez. “It also creates a sense of vulnerability that people naturally respond to.”

People who enjoy solitude often become less dependent on outside validation. That confidence can actually make relationships stronger, because they are based on choice rather than need.

Another thing that I’ve observed in tandem with the trend of getting offline is that Gen Z and Gen Alpha have expressed being socially anxious generations. When you come of age during a pandemic where isolation with a screen is the norm, it makes sense that once unleashed in the world, there’s a sense of bewilderment. (The World Health Organization reported that the loneliest demographic is adolescents and young adults.) Choosing to be alone takes far less effort than building relationships, which requires casting lines of vulnerability and possibly reeling in rejection.

“For some people, loneliness can feel more familiar than putting themselves out there socially,” Dr. Hafeez says. “Seeing others talk about being lonely can also make that experience feel more normal. The risk is that people come to believe loneliness is permanent rather than something they can gradually change. Feeling lonely may seem more attainable, but meaningful connection is still something most people deeply want.”

This sentiment is echoed in content creator Tess Lavanda’s videos. While she posts about having few to no friends, doing things like taking herself out for cocktails and Greek island vacations, she’s also candid about the fact that she does want friends but struggles to make them.

“I’ve never had many friends, and for a long time I was terrified of being alone with myself. I thought one day I’d have so many friends that I’d never have to spend another Saturday alone,” she wrote in one caption. And yet there she is, challenging herself to be comfortable in her solitude.

“Being comfortable alone is a healthy skill, not a sign that something is wrong. Time by yourself gives your mind space to reflect, recharge and better understand your own needs,” Dr. Hafeez adds. “People who enjoy solitude often become less dependent on outside validation. That confidence can actually make relationships stronger, because they are based on choice rather than need.”

So maybe it’s not that loneliness is a flex because the cool girls are making it look just as appealing as being huddled in a booth at The Corner Store in Soho, giggling with a bunch of friends. The clout comes from being able to find respite—and joy—in times of solitude. Where we often feel the need for another person to serve as a crutch to face the world, the likes of Lavanda and Cee show that you can find comfort in your own company.