The NYC Dating Scene Is Deep in a Bear Market—Here’s How to Turn Things Around in September

New York daters saw a glimmer of hope in the summer of 2024 (aka brat summer). The calculus briefly shifted from post-pandemic dating paralysis to saying yes to everything: yes to random parties, yes to three dates in one week, yes to the vague idea that maybe—just maybe—spontaneous connection was back in play. The market was bullish, feverish with optimism as bright as Charli XCX’s neon green. 

But, unfortunately, my analysis shows that this summer indicated a backslide. Since June, my single friends have been echoing the same complaints: Plans canceled as quickly as they were made, three-week lag times with matches on Hinge and Raya and situationships that dissolved after Surf Lodge on the Fourth of July. And the numbers support this malaise. In a recent Times survey of Gen Z women, more than half said they’d rather spend Friday night alone than waste it on a mediocre date. Just 13 percent were open to casual hookups. And while most wanted a meaningful connection, the consensus was that they didn’t have the energy to go for it.

The whole New York dating scene feels less like a singles market on the rise and more like one on the brink of decline. And yet, we keep adhering to it like it’s run by Regina George from Mean Girls—tiptoeing around red flags, glamorizing situationships and letting a handful of emotionally unavailable men set the tone for the entire cafeteria. It’s exhausting. It’s delusional. And frankly, it’s time we take back our lunch trays. (Or steal someone else's…)

September Theory: it’s a TikTok-popularized idea that draws surprising parallels to the September Effect in finance. Traditionally, investors treat September as a time to get serious—vacation’s over, valuations get reassessed and buyers start positioning for Q4 gains. It’s not just a comedown; it’s a strategic reset.

Dating works the same way. If July was all about chaos and speculation—endless swiping and chasing situationships—August brought emotional overextension: too many mismatches, too little return. But September? That’s when the market stabilizes—and when bold buyers start circling back. Now is the time not to ghost a fling that flopped, but to clear space for smarter bets. The market may be less active on the surface, but that’s exactly why it’s time to be on the offense. Prepare to re-enter the market on your own terms. 

Take the Sweetgreen pickup trend. Women are swiping strangers’ salad orders off Midtown counters, tracking them down on LinkedIn, and DMing: Sorry I grabbed your Harvest Bowl… can I make it up to you with a drink? Ethically murky? Sure. But it’s also the first real sign of life in an otherwise frozen market.

After seasons of dating marked by emotional risk-aversion and digital detachment, this kind of unfiltered, offline initiative signals a recalibrated appetite: one that values spontaneity over safety, momentum over maintenance. People are craving organic friction again. Eye contact across a bar. A flirty comment that isn’t vetted by a prompt. A missed lunch order that becomes an opening. If the pandemic taught singles how to conserve emotional energy, this new season is asking them to spend it again—wisely, maybe, but willingly.

Not everyone has the gall to swipe a Sweetgreen salad. But dating apps like First Rounds on Me and Bored of Dating Apps (BODA) are rebranding themselves as “social platforms” that host curated events for people to meet organically. Think: Book clubs, pre-games, cooking classes—you name it. As Rebecca Joines Schinsky, Chief of Staff at Boda, explains: “Gen Z never really got to experience what it’s like to flirt spontaneously with a stranger in a coffee shop or get asked out on the spot. Millennials are longing for something pre-apps, something that feels more like when they met in bars and through friends. Our events are about people meeting in organic settings without the cringe of traditional speed-dating. Demand has skyrocketed.” 

In other words, the dating market may be tight—but people are still looking for ways back in. And as summer gives way to fall, that shift becomes even more pronounced.

The bear market isn’t over yet. But the salad thieves, the book club daters—they’re the first to move. And in any market, those are the people who spark the recovery. If fall is a reset, it’s also a test: will we keep playing it safe, or will we finally put something real on the table? (Preferably with a fork and a first date attached.)