What Swedes Know About Relationships That Americans Don’t

I am currently reporting live from Sweden, where I have spent the past week gorging on salmon, swooning over minimalist design and marveling at all the kid-friendly details of this Nordic dreamland (family line at the airport? Yes, please!). You see, my family lives here so every summer, I haul my brood up north to frolic around the Baltic Sea, indulge in fika and embrace the cozy Friday night tradition of fredagsmys.

But most Americans already know that Sweden does interior design, childcare and food exceptionally well. But here’s something that might surprise you: Swedes aren’t just good at building furniture—they’re pretty great at building relationships, too.

Here, four philosophies that Americans might want to borrow from Swedish couples.

Let’s start with the easiest game-changer: Swedes don’t share duvets. They sleep in the same bed, yes, but each person gets their own blanket. This means no tug-of-war at 2 a.m.. No one wakes up sweaty (and slightly resentful). No passive-aggressive blanket-yanking.

It’s a small shift with a big impact. You get your sleep, they get theirs, and everyone wakes up way less irritated. As someone who runs cold and happens to be married to a furnace, the two-duvet system makes so much sense.

Lagom is one of those words that’s hard to translate into English but it basically means,“not too much, not too little—just right.” I might say, for example, that one cup of coffee a day is too little for me, three and I get jittery but two cups is lagom.

So how does this concept translate into relationships? In Sweden, romance isn’t about elaborate surprises or viral proposal videos. It’s about small, everyday efforts. Think: making your partner a coffee in the morning, taking the trash out without being asked or plugging in their phone when you see it’s about to die. Because not everything has to be fireworks in love—sometimes, lagom is enough.

In Sweden, equality in relationships isn’t just theoretical—it’s a given. There’s no “default parent,” and no one keeping score about who does more because, well, both parties are sharing the load (whether it’s parenting, housework, finances or work). For couples with kids, it helps of course that parental leave is generous in Sweden (they even have official policies for taking time off work when they have to look after a sick kid!)

But there’s something deeper at play, too: jantelagen. Translated as “Jantes Law,” this cultural code discourages anyone from thinking they’re more important than anyone else. That includes your partner. So no one’s the hero, and no one’s the martyr. Just two people doing the unglamorous, everyday work of building a life together, without ego or applause.

In Sweden, it’s not uncommon for couples to be together for years (decades!) and never get legally married. They might have kids, share a mortgage and build a life together, all without ever walking down the aisle, and no one bats an eyelid.

It may seem unconventional to some, but I think it says something profound about the Swedish approach to relationships. The hard work of partnership isn’t something you do after marriage—it’s something you do during the entirety of the relationship. In other words, marriage isn’t the goal…the relationship is.

It may not be flashy, it may not be showy and, heck, it may not even lead to marriage—but Swedes have embraced a quiet, consistent kind of love, the kind that lasts. And I think that’s something to be admired. So the next time you’re annoyed about your partner stealing the covers (again), just know that there’s a very Swedish solution for that.